http://www.mariesullivanforce.com/

My Tia Maria got published!!! I guess there's hope for me yet!

http://www.doveproage.com/ads_tv.asp

I love what they're doing, I just wish their products didn't make me itch...

Ok, so I can go though childbirth with no drugs, but the dentist can't seem to find a way to get my tooth numb so they can fill a cavity. This is the second trip to the dentist for this cavity, they put a sedative filling on it after an unsuccessful attempt to drill last time. 2 hours, 3 shots from 2 densits later, my tooth was still giving me grief when they tried to drill.

They're recommending IV sedation...IF my insurance approves it...

*sigh*

Sometimes it is the small things that matter.

Today, I am thankful for the taste of fresh apple fritters.

I wondered why I liked Smallville so much:
Your results:
You are Superman

Superman 100% Spider-Man 100% Robin 85% Green Lantern 65% Supergirl 60% Hulk 60% Wonder Woman 55% The Flash 45% Batman 40% Catwoman

Why are we sniping a hospital evac?
Hospital

HOSPITAL. Hospital - full of folks, mostly nurses, who are unaremed and evaucating SICK people in BEDS and infants in INCUBATORS!

Is anyone else just sick that humanity has sunk this low?

In a recent thread on a group I'm on, we became embroiled in dicsussions over many things, not the least of which is motivation for attending a particular LARP, and the sense of community it has. For most of the people on the list, the game is actually secondary to the socializing, keeping in line with paradigm that gaming is a social event for non-social people. Recent events have forced me to call into question why I still participate in this particular group, because I, too was of the belief that it was 'all about the people.' I didn't care that I wasn't getting paid for working a LARP. I had fun doing it, because I was doing it for friends of mine or, at least, for good people. There is something really magical about creating something that makes someone else happy, and then have them jubilantly describe their experience to you. Remember: Work = Love made visible. (See OOC: Sarcasm, Bitterness and Becoming One with Moo below) Becuase I really loved these folks, I worked for them. I worked hard and was rewarded with working in a collaborative group creatively. We had a creative synergy that I really enjoyed being a part of. Alas, that is no more. Why? Because of the people. Some individuals who participated in this creative endeavor, took my comments totally out of context. When you are trying to brainstorm story arcs for the coming season, we just throw ideas out, and then evaluate them on their merit. I don't deny stating that a I suggested a story arc that entailed killing a long-standing Queen. But, you know, that was just an IDEA. Because in a LARP, conflict makes a good game, and this was one idea to create some conflict. It was thrown out. End of story... or so I thought. Then this last week I hear a rumor about a vendetta I supposedly have. See my post below about vendettas. This vendetta was borne out of the rumor that I wanted to kill this specific queen, which had been a particular PLAYER's longstanding cast character. Thus because I suggested killing the character to foster some conflict and have story arc for many players, I MUST have a vendetta against the PLAYER that plays the queen, right?? Flawed logic. Now, if it was really all about the people as all these folks claim, wouldn't someone have asked ME what my intentions were? Aparantly not. Nobody bothered to ask me. This is the last in a long line of rumors that these people spread about me. If it was REALLY about the people, and if you would really miss me, you would have talked to me long ago to discover the truth, instead of listening to the rumors, or spreading them. You won't miss me, as a person or what I bring to the creative side of the team, you will miss roleplaying with my CHARATER. You obviously had little interest in me as a person, or you would have addressed your concerns to me as a grown-up, and we could have had an intelligent conversation, instead of resorting to nefarious politicking to gain the prestige that you wanted. The worst is that there are some people that blatantly lied about me. They lied to get what they wanted, and worse yet, they are killing that collaborative atmosphere that I found so refreshing and energizing and helped to build. Because they lied, I can't trust them, and thus the game is just that - a game. It's not the creative, collaborative experience anymore because I might suggest a story idea that will turn into a vendetta against a player, and it is definately *not* about the people anymore. How can you be involved in a group that lies about you, talks about you derogatorily behind your back, refuses to talk to you about it, and then expects you to keep producing as you have in the past? Because it's all about the PEOPLE??? Right. I don't think so.

Or at least that's what I hear. It would be nice if someone would tell me these things so that I could prepare properly. I mean really, how the heck are you supposed to plant a dead horses head in someone's bed if you don't know who they are and you don't even know you're supposed to have a vendtetta against them?

That's how vendetta's work, right? I mean it's an Italian term that stems from the infamous vendetta between the powerful de Medici family from the 1400s, and has been linked throughout time to underground crime bosses...

Sorry, I'm not Italian. I suppose I could be on the Heinz 57 side of the family, but it was mostly German/French. Besides, the Scandinavian seems to have dominated my psyche, and Scandinavians don't have Vendettas. They have Things.

Seriously, the vikings would get together in a form of government called a Thing and discuss their differences. If I killed your brother, a blood price would be reached through a system of arbitration and I would pay it. Everyone would move on and there wouldn't be any dead livestock in the bedroom.

What a concept! People talking about their differences, arriving at an acceptable compromise and moving on... instead of making up vendettas based on half-truths and lies.

An Excerpt from "The Joy of Recognition: Designing and Implementing a Successful Recognition Program" By Lynette Younggren and Debra Sikanas:

"Theory Four: Extinction
We don't get what we want. The behavior goes away. For example, we clean the kitchen at work every day, even though it isn't part of our job description. We secretly hope and expect to receive praise from our co-workers. We don't receive praise, no one comments, so we stop doing it. Silence (no feedback), although unintentional, can cause someone to stop doing something."

"Coming together is a beginning.
Keeping together is progress.
Working together is success."
-Henry Ford

"The key elements in the art of working together are how to deal with change, how to deal with conflict, and how to reach our potential...the needs of the team are best met when we meet the needs of individuals persons."
-Max DePree

"A group becomes a team when each member is sure enough of himself and his contribution to praise the skills of the others."
-Norman Shidle


"Water is fluid, soft, and yielding. But water will wear away rock, which is rigid and cannot yield. As a rule, whatever is fluid, soft, and yielding will overcome whatever is rigid and hard. This is another paradox: what is soft is strong."
-Lao-Tzu (600 B.C.)

"True leaders are not those who strive to be first but those who are first to strive and who give their all for the success of the team. True leaders are first to see the need, envision the plan, and empower the team for action. By the strength of the leader's commitment, the power of the team is unleashed."
-The Power of Leadership, Successories

"The highest courage is to dare to be yourself in the face of adversity. Choosing right over wrong, ethics over convenience, and truth over popularity…these are the choices that measure your life. Travel the path of integrity without looking back, for there is never a wrong time to do the right thing."
-The Essence of Integrity, Successories

"Eject, sweetie. Just reach behind you and pull the handles and eject." - The Pa'Traegh

I got tagged by meishayuri AND Trinity7847!

Directions: List 10 celebrities that you find attractive (in no particular order) and then tag 5 of your friends.

Here goes:

1. Kevin Sorbo - Hercules! Hercules!
2. Brendan Fraser - Quoth the Yeti, 'If I was gay, I'd do him'
3. Dwayne 'The Rock' Johnson - The Rock Says, 'Know your Role!'
4. Hugh Jackman - You have to admire a guy that is 6' 3" can do musical theater AND pull off playing Wolverine!
5. Carlos Irwin Estevez - more for his witty humor - Love him on 2 &1/2 Men.
8. Michael Clark Duncan - gotta love a big guy with a smile like that
9. Djimon Hounsou
10. Toby McGuire - Spidey!

I don't see a trend there - do you?

TAAAAG

Deboranter
animaeprincess
Minkybunbun
Catarzyna
Trinity7847

There are some things that are more important than life itself. New life is one of them. Having found the stirrings of life inside myself, I am honor bound to inform Ahab. I do not know how the chemrugin will react and I know that he cannot marry. I do not wish anything of him, but he deserves to know that he caused the quickening within me. Tara's blessings come in many forms, and as they say, perhaps the third time is the charm and this child will live. My intention is to head home and live out my convalescence with my family. If Ahab wishes I will remain with him and if he wishes to raise the child in desert ways I will have no objection and will remain with him until the child is born, and if it lives, until it is weaned, when I can continue my own path with Aden and the Brotherhood.

So I find myself again headed into the hot desert, toward the Oasis of Great Mirage. I managed to find a caravan headed out into the desert and I am travelling with them.

Corinia was hot and humid and while the food was good, I didn't seem to do much there except eat and follow Linnea in a desperate attempt to keep a good man alive. I did have a rather enigmatic conversation with the dwarf fellow. Tara preserve me but I did not understand a thing he was trying to tell me. I'll have to corner Aldath for a translation. I gave Linnea my ring before I left anyway. Aden wants to learn how to make them from the dwarf.

I find myself caring less and less over the trinkets of dwarves, and longing for the sage breezes of the desert, wondering what kind of welcome awaits me...

Ok folks the 'What really happened' section below is finally complete. If you like harlequins, please read it and give me your feedback!

If you want more of the same genre, here's another little ditty I made more interesting when someone gave me a list of actions:

( Taeko and Adar )

MOC 22 120

We are on the road eastward from The Great Mirage, the largest oasis in the Great Desert.

The desert is full of contrasts. It is hot, and yet cold at night. It is beautiful, but it can kill someone who does not know how to survive within it, and it is full of life thriving in the face of harsh adversity. The Great Mirage is one of those contradictions. It is a verdant beauty in the middle of harsh sands. For the people there, their passions run deep below the surface; a constant undertow below the veneer of culture and taboo. Yet, those who eschew physical contact of any sort can touch you in ways you never dreamed possible. I found a sweetness in the Great Mirage that I had not tasted in a long time. Andrew, you were right, I just had to be open to the good when it came my way.

It was very good...
( What really happened )

I also had a few heart to heart talks with people that I needed to. I spoke with Aden about my Es'Tir'Ko situation. We discussed possible partners. Of the candidates Leif and Draega are most promising, but I can't see myself with either of them. Aden did mention Nelag and Raven were also possibilities. I told him that if that is what he wished for his apprentice, that he had but to ask. I don't want to choose again. I spoke with Caramon about the same issue, and he said that there were other possibilities for me in the Magwa. I don't have to decide yet, so I'll keep my options open for now. Too bad Elias isn't a Guardian. At least he is Remtarchen.

So I find myself in strange company, missing the cool Oasis breezes as we forage through the hot sands. Aden is accompanying Aldath and Nelag and the Grey dwarf fellow. At least I think he's a dwarf. Aldath thinks he is a dwarf and Aldath is most wise about such things. I've never known another dwarf and he's certainly strange. I asked him about the ring I found in the crypt in Raald. After he had examined it he asked me if I believed. I wasn't sure what he meant, and Leif chimed in that he believed and showed the dwarf his ring of Anadryan. He said they were different, and yet the same. I said that I believed, but not the same thing that Leif did.

Later, wraithmail came in for Adar. At least I assumed it was for Adar. He's the only one I've seen that receives messages from wraiths. The Dwarf takes one look at the wraith and charges at me!

Now I have seen many scary things in my life - I've lived the life of a mercenary after all - but seeing a dwarf charge at you full tilt is one of the scariest! He wanted my ring! I wasn't in a position to argue, so I gave it to him. He did something, and the wraith disappeared, and he offered the ring back to me. I'm not sure how I feel having a pet wraith in my ring... maybe the dwarf can teach me to let it out for walks so that I can send messages like Adar can! I'll have to ask him when we make camp.

Alternate title is 'Setting the Record Straight'

You know... folks lately have said a lot of aweful things about me. My life and times have been ample grist for the rumor mill, and for the most part I've remained silent believing altruisticly that that the truth will out and overcome the rumors. Well, it hasn't yet. Here's the kicker, people who know me chose to believe the rumors instead of talking to me, and well, that really disappointed me. Friends should be better than that, and regardless of how tough a decision it was, be able to talk to me about it. Nope. I got silence. Silence for six solid weeks, wondering what the hell was going on and what was wrong with me that these people, who claimed to be friends of mine weren't speaking to me. So I learned some valuable life lessons I'll share with you:

Lesson #1, Kahil Gibran said, 'Work is Love made visible.' Some folks don't get that.
Lesson #2, Those who have a guilty conscience ignore you.
Lesson #3, Hugs Tell All.

So being ingnored isn't the sincerest form of flattery, but I dealt with it, learned my lessons and moved on. Really, I did! That doesn't mean I'm not sarcastic about it. Some say sarcasm is the vehicle of the weak. I disagree. Sarcasm is a form of humor and if you can laugh at the dark places of your life, it makes them bearable. Beacause really, life is a game, and we're here to have fun. Life is way too short to be bitter, especially over petty rumors. Bitter? No. Sarcastic, yes. ;) Don't confuse my sarcastic attempts to laugh at a twisted turn of events as bitterness or cynicism.

Believe me or no, your choice. I've weeded the garden of my soul. I can't change how others feel, or what they think, and I can't change the fact that some folks believed the lies about me, or worse, spread them. Well, fate has a way of maintaining a balance, and the truth will be known eventually. I have no doubt bout that. Karma will take care of the rest. In the mean time...

'Cela est bien dit, mais il faut cultiver notre jardin.' -Voltaire, Candide

I find miself on the road home. We are headed just south of lake Yaz'in Tar, just a stone's throw from my family's lands. The tenant farmers would be just ready to start planting for the spring by the time we get there. The vinyards may even be in blossom, and father will probably be bottling the the last of the fall ferment. Or, if they were lucky, putting away the icewine. Varra it's not, but Valerian Wine is one of the best reds in Remtarch!

Home. Memories. Why did I leave? Oh, yes. My curse. I was happy there, but I could not bear to bring more bad luck to my family, particularly my brothers. Especially William who being eldest was already well into his service. What would my jinx do to him? Patrick too! He was not so far behind William in age that he seemed to follow William wherever he went. I hadn't seen them since I was a young girl, but I knew that they would return eventually, or they would die because I would bring ill favor to them. Edward was always the stalwart type - he favored mother's free-thinking sensibilities. He would never have believed in the superstitions that I do. He, too, ended in Service. And then, Daniel. He believed all of the superstitions that Edward did not. I suppose that is why he ended up a sailor. I wonder what ship he ended up on. And then... Joseph. Bear's Hunter is like him in so many ways, and yet so different. It was probably their affinity for horses. Joseph was the best big brother a girl could have. I was his sparring partner, his horseback companion. I was to Joseph what Patrick was to William. Joseph didn't care if I was a girl, he encouraged me to do what I wanted. Last I heard he was headed to the cavalry.... and Andrew. Andrew may be dead for his love of drink for all I know - he ran away when he came of age and no one has heard from him since. I think that was when I first started to notice that bad things happened when I was around. And then my next eldest brother, John. I wonder if he's a scholar yet. Father wanted him to be a warrior too, saying that since only one of his sons could inherit the estate the rest of them might as well make themselves useful. Father just did not understand the utitilty of scholarship and books. John and mother convinced him that I should be tutored with him, so he would always have a study partner. It worked too, for I was taught the same things a John - even sword and kinfe skills. And then...

well... it would probably be best not to see them, lest something terrible befall them. I can cherish the memories I have in being so close, but I dare not go to my home.

Be well brothers.

"Lovers are alive to the extent they can die"

"A lover wants to die of his love"

We are headed to Remtarch. Home. Perhaps I will see my brothers again, or mother. I do not know what has happened to them since I left. My brothers are probably lying dead on the battlefield of Alexis and Lucientien, a fate they all feared would be theirs one day. I wonder where we are headed and if it brings me close to home. Time will tell if I may yet have the opportunity to visit.

I am haunted by what I have done. I have placed those I love in the greatest danger because they had to protect me. As I told Kayla, I am completely and utterly expendible for I have lived my life and my purpose for living no longer exists. I long to be reunited with Hunter, but I cannot deny Tara the purpose she has for me. I just do not know what it is. Perhaps this is my pennance for being angry and cursing her for so long. I had thought that my purpose was to be paired and thus use my life to rid the face of shadow creatures. Now it seems that that way is closed to me. I did not want to choose a sect. I did not want to choose a warrior. I wanted the Brotherhood to use me as they see fit, to test my skills and if I am worthy to allow me to join a particular sect of the Brotherhood. Aden said that is not the way that it is done, that I must petition for the sect that I want, and to choose a warrior to train with. So I asked the warrior he suggested. This is the result. I was not meant to choose. Choosing is bad luck for it presumes that one knows one's own destiny.

My hope now is to repay those to whom I owe so much. It is frustrating to care so much and be able to do so little. Tara has a cruel sense of humor in this. I can only heal by touch. I cannot perform surgery until I manage to procure a scalpal that I can use. Bear's Hunter said would give me a troll-claw dagger for helping him skin the troll in Traegh Valley, but he keeps forgetting He is so much like Joseph! Joseph was the forgetful one, sandwiched between Daniel, the sailor, and Andrew the Red Messenger. Joseph probably would have been a tinker if he had been given the chance. I miss him. I wish he were here so that I could talk to him about things, instead of writing this nonsense in my jorunal.

My offensive spells were ineffective against the stone creatures. I would train in staff, but 'magic is your weapon.' It is extremely frustrating because I have cast fireballs and I know what it feels like. I have tasted what is to come, tho I know not how.

I must try to be the ruby reflecting the sunrise. Patience.

I had a vision of Pearl and Lucas while meditating the other day. I asked Pearl about Lucas, and she said that his heart belongs to someone else - a chemrugin who's headscarf he carries with him. I suppose I am to play matchmaker now. Is that truly your wish? I have no knack for this. I am likely to bludgeon them both into admitting their feelings for each other, which I doubt is your intent. I never was good at subtelty - probably the result of having seven brothers.

I knew I didn't like Drichensmoor for a reason.

There is innoccent blood on my hands, but I could not stand by and do nothing. At the very least I am consoled by the fact that there are 4 less slaves in Drichensmoor. Yet I regret the innoccent indentured servant that was sent as errand boy to purchase slaves. One of the slaves with child, specifically requested to be so. And when Rana said the words 'Human Breeder' I knew I had to do something. I acted without thinking, broke the laws of Drichensmoor and killed an otherwise innoccent man to save three souls, and a fourth from being born into slavery.

I acted again to free a contortionist, perhaps unwisly, but her lover was in town and dumstruck that she was a slave. Could I stand by and let love be denied? Others perhaps could, but I could not. I would have willingly taken her place, and that seemed to be the solution that Aden presented to the slaver in order to compensate him for the property that was stolen of him. Luckilly he and a few others caught up with us a few miles outside of town and freed me. They did not have to do that, as I had made my choice long ago. I keep telling them that I am completely and utterly expendible, but they do not listen.

We are now on our way to Remtarch, keeping off of the main road and travelling at night. I have had time to contemplate what Bear's Hunter has said. He will pair with Jack and no other. I am too much of a liability to him that he would rather not worry about. I know that he did not mean those words to hurt, but they did, more than I thought they would. He does not understand that I would die willingly for him, or Aden, or Kayla or Linnea or any of the others that have been my newfound family. I have lived my life, I can only hope to put my time and deeds to good use helping others who have a greater purpose than I do.

I thought that I had set foot on the road of my destiny, but I was wrong. Perhaps it is another of Tara's mysteries, and another way will yet reveal itself. In the mean time I will study my magic. It has been over two fortnights since my last lesson, and now is not an appropriate time to ask for one.